The Virtual Tavern

I guess time does fly by.  I decided to give up alcohol for my 63rd birthday two weeks ago, and I haven’t really looked back.

Has it been easy? Oddly, yes, but of course, it’s only been two weeks, so I am not declaring any victory or even a lead so early in this first quarter.  I have seen too many games blown to do something like that.

Why has it been easier than expected?  I guess I would simply say that it was time.  Fortunately, I hadn’t reached some critical low point or “bottom,” but instead, I am tired of looking in the mirror at a swollen, pasty complexion.  I know I can’t beat the clock, but I don’t have to rush it.

Here is a funny story from this morning.  I have been taking daily pictures at roughly the same time each day.  I sent them to my wife this morning (across the room).  While complimentary, she said she doesn’t see any difference in my “forehead.”  What????  Who loses weight in their forehead, and damn, how big is my head????

I guess I need to find a targeted forehead exercise.

Today is “day 11” of my “year of sobriety,” and the last thing I will do is claim an early victory. That is just a setup for a premature failure.  

The good news is that it hasn’t been so bad. I have done this before but obviously, not for long. I am doing the following steps differently this time:  

1. I have publicly stated my intentions.  If nothing else, I don’t like to be a failure, and while I know I have failed before, I haven’t been held accountable as no one knew my goal. Let me restate it:  I will not drink today, and hopefully, not until my next birthday, July 2, 2024. 
   • Ok, so maybe “public” is overstating it since I’m posting to a blog that no one reads but…..
2. I have started to follow various sobriety accounts on Instagram as motivation.  While “misery loves company” might seem appropriate, none of the people I follow seem miserable. Every account I have followed seems surprisingly upbeat. I have always pictured the dark, dingy AA meetings where cigarettes and coffee flow below the bright fluorescent lights. That isn’t the case on Instagram. 
3. I have started to listen to podcasts regarding sobriety. I have time so listening to others describe their journey can be uplifting.

These might not seem like significant steps for others, but they are for me. I will keep you posted.

Sound familiar? It’s been my automatic response to any proposed workout plan. Who has an hour or two to commit? That has been the biggest stumbling block for me. I now know why that’s the case.

I grew up as a high school athlete until an unfortunate injury ended my short-lived athletic career. It’s been over 50 years, and I still consider it one of my “go-to” excuses.

I have now realized that I have equated working out with cardio exercise. At one point, that was jogging. I even entered a couple of half-marathons in my day, the most recent just a few years ago. My knees couldn’t take the impact, so I extended my walking to account for the intensity. Pre-pandemic, I walked over 20,000 daily steps to account for the lack of intensity.

The pandemic killed that effort, and the weight came back on. For a long time, who wanted to walk around a city with a mask on? Sitting at home waiting on the 5:00 pm cocktail hour was easier. The bottom line was that it didn’t seem worth it if I couldn’t commit to 20,000 steps.

Fast forward three years, I am 40 pounds heavier and know I must recommit. The good news is that I spent three days with a local trainer before Christmas this past year, learning to lift weights. I have never spent much time doing it, even when I was playing football. I was blessed with natural ability, which in retrospect, was equally a curse. I could do what others could only do with effort.

Now that I’m on a more public health kick, I am turning to weightlifting as the foundation of my exercise plan. Fortunately, I have a home gym with most of the equipment unused. I have also purchased a weightlifting plan from Mind Pump Media. I have been listening to Sal, Adam, and Justin on my weekly trips and enjoy their content. Their programs make sense to me.

Given where I am, I will start the pre-phase of MAPS Anabolic, a downloadable web-based program. I am basing my expectations on the various callers who have praised the program. It’s also something I can fit into my day, given my office is beside my workout room. I can commit to multiple periods throughout the day to complete my workout. It’s not an hour+ of committed time, but instead, numerous 5-10 minute efforts.

Hopefully, I have finally found the time.

For the last 20+ years, I have tried to use my birthdays to make lifestyle adjustments, and for 20+ years, I have basically failed to produce any substantive change.

I quit smoking about eight years ago, but it wasn’t a birthday that prompted it, but rather, the need to get reasonably priced life insurance.  I’m nothing if not practical!

I can’t tell you why this next birthday will turn out differently, but I do know that being more open about it adds some extra pressure to accomplish a goal.  We seem to tolerate our own disappointments, but not when we disappoint others. 

So on this 63rd birthday (Sunday), I am using it as a reset to get my overall health in order.  I have pledged one year, which doesn’t seem as long anymore.

My current weight is 239.  Being 5’11”, I’m “obese,” according to the experts.  I like to think of myself as “big boned,” but the reality is that I was my best at 175.  I have only been there twice since high school, but when I think about it, those were my most productive years.  So that is my goal, get back to a BMI Normal weight.

How will I do it?  The same way I did it last time.  Quit drinking, eat mindfully, and exercise.  Not too clever, but it’s effective.   The mindful part doesn’t seem too complicated.  Food is starting to bore me anyway.

As for the drinking, well, it’s a process.  I have quit before, but I do seem to return often.  I don’t like to think of myself as an “alcoholic,” but I bet others do!

I grew up in the 1970s when teenage drinking seemed like the norm.  I was even “arrested” at age 13 for being passed out in some stranger’s yard.  Oddly, I wasn’t embarrassed but wore it like a badge of honor instead.  That sounds so stupid now, but it seemed funny then. 

So, it’s been 50 years since I first got drunk.  It was last weekend when I was most recently” over-served”, although “drunk” has taken on a different meaning.  I don’t drink and drive, meaning I reserve my drinking to the house.  I never drink before 5:00, but even the dogs gather at the ice machine at 5:01 without exception. 

When you ask why this is a “Virtual Tavern?”  I think it’s likely my best alternative. 

We’ve all been there. You look at yourself in the mirror, and reality strikes. I was helped by seeing photos from my 45th high school reunion and trying to figure out why there were so many old people. What happened to them, and how did I avoid the aging trap?

Well, I finally figured out that I didn’t. Perhaps I stayed a little younger based on my profession (college instructor) and my younger spouse, but after really taking a good look, I did not. I’ve also experienced other friends suddenly experiencing severe health issues, including early death (yikes!)

This isn’t the first time I thought about how to make some changes. My mother always stressed “moderation,” which clearly pushed me in the opposite direction. Why would I do that????

Well, I just figured it out. Too much wine, too much food, and not enough of the “moderation” she stressed. It’s not in my DNA despite having hers. So I decided that this is the year. I turn 63 on Sunday, and surely, I can give my wife the gift of trying to extend my own “healthspan.”

That is what this blog is about. I don’t care if you join, make fun of, or ridicule me. None of that matters. I also don’t care that I might not be horribly out of shape. That would certainly make for a better story. My guess is I am like many of you. I have made it through the tough years and suddenly have time to reset my life.

This blog is my “Third Place”. We all need one, even if you don’t think so. We have work and families, but many of us have given up on having that other group we can share lives with. Robert Putnam wrote about it in “Bowling Alone”.

I hope you join me in my “Third Place”.